Could I Make Friends, Though I was Shy?

A mother’s journey from silence to lifelong friendship—and the lessons she now passes to her daughter.

I have been a full-time mom for over 12 years.  One night, my daughter shared her two-week school life after the summer holiday.  Some are vivid details whilst some are difficult feelings.

‘I’ve got only one friend, but she’s really difficult to get along with,’ she sighed.

‘But, I really cannot join the big team of girls because we have nothing in common, and I hate gossiping,’ she was frustrated.

In the end, she sobbed and was scared that she would probably end up being alone and no one would understand her.

I always like praising my daughter’s wonderful social skills because I was a completely shy girl when I was little, probably around 6 years old, I did not know how to socialize. I was just there and I believe that God has arranged everything around me to make things happen.

At recess, I had a water bottle and I held it like a crossbody bag with a bottle sling. I was standing at the usual spot.  It was nowhere near any corners or next to a column or near to a wall.  I was standing silently at the basketball field, surrounded by playful and cheerful children. Apart from drinking water obviously from the water bottle, I did not play, talk or even smile for I did not have a friend.  So, I could only look around.  Some boys were playing chase with some girls, and the girls were so excited that they screamed loudly.  Right next to the basketball field, there was a designated area where students could buy snacks and soft drinks from the school tuck shop.  It was so crowded I could barely walk through them.  I do not remember feeling scared because of being alone.  I actually acknowledged where I was by knowing what was happening around me. Actually, there was no interaction between anyone and me, and I was quiet for the whole recess.  It is insanely unbelievable, isn’t it?

There was one time that I probably needed to speak up.  During one particular recess, I was at the counter of the school office. I was so little that only my head stuck out of the counter. The administrator and the assistant at the school office could hardly notice me unless I drew their attention by saying ‘Excuse me,’ out loud. Again, I was so shy that I could barely say a word.  I just stood there and waited silently, probably for the whole recess.  Eventually, a teacher was walking by and wondering why a student was not rushing to her classroom. She came and talked to me.  My look might show that I did not know how to say it.  This little fuss or noise attracted a school office assistant to come over.  She smartly asked if I would like to buy an exercise book. I nodded. This was how I bought an exercise book without using a single word.  Do you think I have been alone since then, without anyone truly understanding me, for I was shy?

Now, I am nearly 50 and a mother of a lovely girl.  I have an old friend, Astor, a mother of two wonderful kids. Our friendship has lasted for over 40 years.  I met her when I was little. I did not share my snack with her because I only had a water bottle. I did not play chase with her because I did not like that kind of intense interaction. I did not brag about my newly bought stationery, which I probably did not have. I remember we were always together. We smiled, held hands, drew, wrote, studied together. We have been sticking together for the past years, when times were exciting or difficult. This friendship happened naturally.

I opened my arms and hugged my lovely girl. I whispered into her ear, ‘being who you are, be true to yourself, be nice and kind, and you will attract your favourite ones, even for someone as shy as me.’  I trust my girl will have some besties when the time comes.

Tonight, around two weeks after that night, my girl joyfully let me know that she met a girl, and both of them joined exactly the same extra-curricular school teams.  They will run, draw, sing and many more activities together.  My girl likes this girl a lot.

Share our stories with any children who are struggling with making friends. If this story resonates with you or your children, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you or your little ones ever felt shy about making friends? Sharing our stories helps us all feel a little less alone.”

Have you read this with your lovely boys and girls?

Children Book Title: The Shy Turtle and Her Friends Unshell Your Confidence: A Shy Turtle’s Splash into Friendship, by Dimosthenis Pefanis

~~A little bit of courage will do the dish.~~

It would be fantastic to start off the conversation with the kids by asking them questions like “What does it feel like to be shy?” “Do you have all it takes to make good friends? What are they?” It would be a sweet night time talk topic.

About the Author
Dora is a mom who believes that even the shyest voices have the brightest stories to tell. When she’s not cheering on her daughter’s adventures, she’s writing about friendship, courage, and the little moments that make family life magical. She hopes her words remind kids (and parents) that being yourself is always enough.